Hi, this picture represents how I feel right now.
This picture represents that path I should take.
This picture represents the path I want to take.
This picture represents a random in between that I have no idea where it leads but for some reason it seems the most reasonable and the most risky right now.
Her: I’m feeling angsty WANNA committ some arson?
It can be legal.
Me. Ooooh temping.
What do you have in mind?
Her: Small bonfire? Bricks and a fire in the middle bc the beach is too far
Idk I just want fire
Me: I want to burn things in it
Like barbie dolls
Her: Oh good idea.
Me: But that’s expensive
Her: Nah we can go to the 99 cent store
Me: And would probably smell bad
Her: Okay how about vegetables
We can set aside money to go to 99 cent store
And buy stuff we wanna burn
Me: Sounds good
Her: Okay after finals?
Me: Yeeee down
Rosa Parks occasionally asks me to help her on school essays and I become jealous. She actually gets to do quite interesting writing projects. I, on the other hand, have not been assigned a decent essay in awhile. As in, I disliked one of my English teachers with a passion because I probably have not developed a single skill the entire time I was imprisoned in his class. Welp.
I’ve been…fragile lately? But at the same time, it’s difficult. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a moment like now where I felt so lost, so confused, so alone, and so… fragile? It’s pity I believe.
Sometimes I wonder, Why is he so sad? Then I wonder Why am I so sad? I have no reason to be sad! But in the end, the tears stream for reasons I know not. And the two meet at my chin in a subtle embrace before elegantly falling off the face of Earth. My whole world becomes sad.
My favorite thing to do when I’m alone is sleep. My least favorite thing to do when I’m alone is wallow in self pity. Which one is more productive? Neither. Instead, I inevitably fall into one and attempt to escape it with the other.
Not to be mistaken with wanting to be dead.
Taking a 3 hour class on a Tuesday night is not very enjoyable… especially when it’s philosophy. One can only sit and think about all the wonders of life for so long. Or, according to Descartes, one can only dream of listening to philosophy for so long. *sigh*
Let’s continue on the basis that life is just a means to attempt to keep the world continuing.
Let’s just assume that the emotions and well-being of our souls don’t matter at all.
The world doesn’t care if you’re happy.
You’re like a mere pawn that is used as a part of a system, only to be thrown away once you’re done.
What a sad and unfortunate thought.
Just when on the verge of realizing my lack of passion within my life, I had to turn myself toward a new possibility. I cannot find myself something to long for in reality, and so I experiment with the idea of a metaphysical world.
I was sitting with my knees drawn up against my chest, my arms wrapped around my legs and my long black hair draped over my knees. I was alone. No. I wasn’t just alone, but I was the only object present. The ground and the sky were an endless white continuing over the horizon. And the sky seemed broken. I didn’t know why I was here, but I thought that it’d be important to remember. I unlocked my fingers, releasing my arms and legs and allowing myself to lie sprawled out on the floor. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I thought that it didn’t seem to matter. My body formed an X with my arms and legs as I looked up into the sky to get a clear view. It was unmistakably white, but it had dashes and dots and shards of black peeking from behind. So the sky was broken. I didn’t know where I was, but I thought that it wasn’t something for me to know.
So my dad is quite a funny person with his weird little quirks and ideas. The other day he told me he was going to put power in his fish tank to make the fish stronger. I thought he said “powder” but no… it was power. By that he meant that he would plug something in and greater force of bubbles would be blowing to the right near the top of the tank. Thus, the fish treadmill was born and our growing Arowana was stuck having to swim harder against the current for the day. “It’s like going to the gym for fish. Now he’ll become bigger faster.”
Today I spent the day running some errands with the man who decided to create a workout for the fish. While sitting down at AppleBee’s for lunch, he told me that my glasses made me look “too smart” and how it made it harder for people to talk to me that way. He also likes to compliment himself on his own intelligence and said, “Sometimes people just look smart. See, people look at me and go ‘Oh shit, he’s smart,’ but I actually have no idea what I’m talking about.”
this morning I woke up early to finish up the homework I didn’t bother doing the night before. I got ready to go to school (which took a little bit longer by the way because I decided to attempt to dress in something nicer than jeans and a t-shirt) but my efforts were wasted because we got a phone call telling us the school was closed down today. WHAT?! I thought my mom was trying to prank me but nevertheless I am a happy camper. Therefore, to kill the time that I was supposed to be in 0 period right now, I shall write a blog post!
But what is there to write about when one wants to write? Nothing.
A Lost Flamingo 