A day with the papas

So my dad is quite a funny person with his weird little quirks and ideas. The other day he told me he was going to put power in his fish tank to make the fish stronger. I thought he said “powder” but no… it was power. By that he meant that he would plug something in and greater force of bubbles would be blowing to the right near the top of the tank. Thus, the fish treadmill was born and our growing Arowana was stuck having to swim harder against the current for the day. “It’s like going to the gym for fish. Now he’ll become bigger faster.” 

Today I spent the day running some errands with the man who decided to create a workout for the fish. While sitting down at AppleBee’s for lunch, he told me that my glasses made me look “too smart” and how it made it harder for people to talk to me that way. He also likes to compliment himself on his own intelligence and said, “Sometimes people just look smart. See, people look at me and go ‘Oh shit, he’s smart,’ but I actually have no idea what I’m talking about.” 

He works as a salesman and Lowe’s and seems to be pretty good at it. He told me about how he thinks fast on the job. Some customer asked, “What does this button do?” and he acts like he knows what he’s saying. According to him, his trainees look up to him. “What’s eco do?” “Oh eco? It levels out the water usage so it saves you water.” Apparently, he really didn’t know what that meant, but the eco button on cars helps you save gas so an eco button on a washing machine helps you save water. 

There was a time when he was able to get a customer to walk out with not one refrigerator, but TWO. WHO EVEN DOES THAT? Said customer was debating between two refrigerators and wanted to leave and come back to choose one. Usually, the chances of that customer coming back isn’t that high (my dad threw out random numbers that probably weren’t real), so he wanted to get this customer out with a refrigerator. What does he do? He says, “Hey if you open a Lowe’s card right now then you don’t have to pay for another 18 months. Take both the refrigerators, bring them home, test them out and return one.” Somehow, the customer agreed and walked out with two refrigerators that day. 

The last story my dad told me was about another two refrigerators. A big company came into Lowe’s that day to ask for new refrigerator. Their’s broke down at the office and they needed a new one, fast. They started looking and was interested in one refrigerator that gave my dad $80 worth of commission, but there was another one that gave him $120 commission. So like any other person looking for money, he was able to convince them to get the $120 commission refrigerator. But that wasn’t the good part. He went online to check and the company needed fast delivery, like two days. Unfortunately, that $120 refrigerator was out of stock for two weeks. He was thinking, “Crap, they’re gonna walk out if I tell them that we can’t get this refrigerator on time.” And so, he went back to the customers and made up a story about how there were new and sudden reviews that popped up about that $120 commission refrigerator calling it a horrible model and that it sucks. The company people were like, “But you just said it was the best one…” Things happened and well, they at least walked off with the $80 commission refrigerator. Hah. 

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