A Reminder to Myself

uncertainty

It’s 1:30am and I thought that I may possibly want to go to sleep now, but I laid in my bed and of course what happens late at night? Thoughts begin to flood your mind. So as I just paused from writing a draft for another blog post to go to sleep (mainly for my well being and mental state…you’ll see why later), I decided well why not write another one about what’s on my mind now.

This is a reminder to myself that I am 16. I’m not sure whether or not this reminder is supposed to be “You’re SIXTEEN already! ” or “You’re still SIXTEEN…” I began writing this post with the intention of that latter and I’ll probably continue that, but might as well also address the idea that I’m sixteen already. This means I could: get my driver’s license (check!),drop out of school (ah, almost), get an adult job (possibly), drink in Europe, and etc. Oh no! More responsibilities of the world! But at the same time, I’m still sixteen.

Awhile back I took a test that had an essay portion to it. The writing prompt was something similar to “Which stage of life would you consider the most difficult: Childhood, Adolescence, Adulthood, or Old Age? Why?” Well, considering the fact that I am in my teenage years, of course I would choose that! But really though, it’s because it’s such an awkward phase.

While I wrote the essay, I had an ongoing analogy. Adolescence is like the awkward prototype phase of a new invention. We don’t know what we’re going to be yet. We don’t know what we’re going to accomplish yet. We don’t know if we’re going to be successful yet. We don’t even know if we’ll even make it anywhere. It’s a major identity crisis. I find this to to be one of the most difficult parts of adolescence (well, at least for me). I feel as though I have no idea who I am even with all my efforts of trying to figure it out. Part of it includes having to be unique enough to make an impact on the world, but still able to conform to the standards of society. AHHH! My head hurts just thinking about it.

But we have no time to try to figure us out because life doesn’t play that way. You are a prototype and what happens to prototypes? They get put through the most difficult tests and trials to make sure that they can survive in the real world. Through those trials, we’re forced to refine ourselves more and more to be able to face what life throws at us. If we’re not tested and remade constantly, it’s possible to fall apart when we’re released into the world.

AND SO, adolescence is the awkward prototype phase. I am in the awkward prototype phase. I am young, but old? Society and family puts a lot of pressure on you to grow up. WE put a lot of pressure on ourselves to grow up. My parents urged me to get a job and license early (probably since I was 12). I got my driver’s license last month so now they’ve been telling me to go get a job. Not really bad. I should probably get a job anyway because insurance is so high D: But at the same time, society tells us to take hold of the moment and of our youth. “Enjoy the high school years!” they say. I say, “Life just sucks right now!” We’re in a time of uncertainty, a time of naivety, a time of responsibility. I am in no hurry to grow up, but can we just pass by this quickly?

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